Thinking about black holes. Thinking about the dark nanoseconds before a camera shutter closes. Looking at a piece of black fabric next to other, lighter shades of black. Most works by Steve Reich. The best of Donnacha Dennehy. Ellen Fullman’s long string instrument, or Jane Campion’s hair. The conceit behind Remainder by Tom McCarthy. The poem “when you have forgotten Sunday: the love story,” by Gwendolyn Brooks. The Queensboro Bridge as photographed by Gordon Willis. Swimming in the ocean, or taking a hike next to wild oats. Listening to John Lewis perform alone. That feeling when I pop a bubble of packing material and I’m still compressing the plastic between my fingers, or the time just before my mind shuts down while trying to grasp a paradox. The second glass of wine. The middle moments during sex. Feeling homesick on a departing international flight. From a nap: minutes two through six. West Texas. Some Rothkos. The hills on either side of the Orange River. The night I was twenty-three and met my wife on a rooftop in Manhattan. The expanse between anticipation and reward. What I want from death.
Image: From Manhattan (1979), photographed by Gordon Willis
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